I haz a sad. When Barack Obama was elected, I thought he was a superhero.
When the incompetent nitwits at BP decided to ignore all of their safety practices, Obama did not fly down to stop them. When they rushed the Macondo well to production, and blew it up instead, Barack Obama disappointed me. Though he sent thousands of rescue and aid workers down to the Gulf, and a flotilla of ships to assist, he didn't listen when I told him to tie together half a million pool skimmer nets to clean it up . . . . and I know that idea would have worked.
And when the well was just gushing away as BP's engineers tried to simultaneously repair the problem and deny any culpability for their colossal fuck-up, Obama just sat there in the White House . . . not flying down in his red and blue suit to fill the crack with his very body.
When the collective fraud and deception of the nation's banking industry caused them to collapse like a frail house of cards, Obama did not rush around in his super suit bodily propping up these failed institutions. Instead he used MONEY, which was lame. I was expecting laser beams and green power rays.
When that little girl got kidnapped some random time ago, Obama did not use his x-ray vision to find her. I was very sad at this. And angrily disappointed.
I continue to be angry and disappointed. Just today, I heard that Obama thinks filling out his NCAA brackets is more important than flying over to Japan to seize the edges of the broken earth with his hands, and use his x-ray vision to seal the crust of the planet back together. Then, all he would have to do is eat the overheating fuel rods out of the containment chamber of the reactor, and punt the vessel into orbit where it can cool off for the next hundred thousand years.
George W. Bush would have done it. He would have made a spectacle of himself, standing on the glowing remains of Tokyo with a bullhorn, speaking fluent Japanese and imploring the poor backwards little folks that the USA was here to help. Hell, he wouldn't have needed a bullhorn. He could have just thundered instructions to get to safety in his godlike voice across the entire island of Japan while he wrestled the containment vessel back together and sealed its broken sides with his saliva.
After all, why did we elect Barack Obama President of the World if he was only going to take care of the problems in the USA?